“I’m too big in the back!”
“We’re getting really big now!”
Welcome to the latest language being used by teenage girls — a TikTok offshoot that has become the new language of casual, ongoing banter used to poke fun at each other, and themselves, over eating.
While many teens say the terms used in this conversation are just meant to be funny, others admit they find them hurtful, or at least annoying. Experts say the prevalence of this type of terminology is concerning.
“This is a problem that everyone faces,” he says. Zoe Bisping“It has a lot to do with this ingrained bias against fatness in our culture that normalizes microaggressions toward fat people.”
But what makes the problem more complicated is that the jokes are made by and about skinny girls.
“With this new language, they allowed each other to comment not only on weight but also on eating itself. So there’s nothing good about that.” Barbara Greenberga Connecticut-based teen and preteen therapist who is familiar with the terminology, says, luck“He’s walking backwards.”
Chania Ponda high school English teacher in Texas and Influential in educationTells luck She was alarmed to see the trend gaining momentum before the summer. “It started this school year,” she says. “At first, students were mostly referring to themselves. But now, ‘big back’ has become so common in slang that they say it whenever there’s a meal. Also, ‘You’re fat.’ The word ‘fat’ has definitely made a comeback. I definitely hope it goes away.”
This was never truer for Bond than earlier this week, when her six-year-old daughter came home from daycare and asked, “Mommy, do I have the biggest back?” After some digging, Bond learned that a teacher had told her daughter that “my back is the biggest” after she asked for more cookies at snack time.
“I asked her if it hurt her feelings, and she told her that her body was proportionate, and if she wanted an extra snack, she was allowed to have an extra snack without anyone commenting on her body,” says Bond, who participated in the experiment. Chatting with her daughter on XIt has been viewed more than 1.3 million times, sparking a range of supportive responses.
This “big back” thing is fatphobia. My six-year-old daughter coming home and being asked if she “has a big back” because she wants more cookies at snack time is not cute or funny.
It’s time to end this.
— Crazy Woman in Classroom (@heymrsbond) July 10, 2024
She notes that the young teacher—whom Bond plans to talk to about the situation—may not be much older than her students. “I don’t think she meant to hurt the students,” she says. But it showed Bond that the trend, though she would like it to subside over the summer, “is still very much alive.”
What does the term ‘big back’ and other terms mean – and how did we get here?
As with many disturbing trends, the latest form of fat talk can be traced back to TikTok—specifically, to the “big back” video trend (currently with Over 174 million shares) which appears to have peaked in the spring. This involved sharing videos that dealt with one of two themes: 1) showing yourself eating a lot or someone else eating a lot (usually a skinny person) with comments about “big back” behavior, or 2) stuff your clothes To make your back (or until infant‘s) Looks bigger And then either running for food Or, again, just Eating food.
These videos, in turn, have led to criticism of this trend, with some describing it as “Making fun of fat people” And “creating new insecurityThen videos appeared showing mock the trend entirely.
But what does “big back” actually mean? Here’s where things get complicated, as many have noted that the term and perhaps the trend appears to have roots in African American English (AAE) and black spaces online. But the trend is “fairly new, so there hasn’t been a whole lot of research done on it,” says Kimberly Baxter, a doctoral candidate in linguistics at New York University who specializes in African American English.
The term has its roots in “the black community in London, meaning ‘backside’ in a positive light,” says Renee Blake, a linguistics professor at New York University, and has only become negative through appropriation.
Baxter believes that the term “big back” has become “a term applied to all fat people, but also to people who engage in stereotypes associated with obesity,” and that it has connections to the term “Bad construction“And also the old school ‘built like a midfielder.’” She notes that it has been popularized on social media recently in part through Reactions to popularity Tik Tok Series by Reese Tessa.
Its origins have led some – including a therapist called Therapy Dojo On TikTok, the current use of the term “big back” appears to be “cultural appropriation,” and can make white critics of the trend seem like “black culture censorship.” This is despite the therapist’s belief that the term is, on its face, “completely anti-fat.”
Lizzo He even weighed in.He described the trend as “terribly fat-phobic,” but noted that the term was just “something black people say” and that it only got out of hand after it “became a trend” where people used it “in a harmful way.”
This is why Bisping says she views “big back” and “fat back” as “two distinct phenomena.”
However, the term “big back” is now used interchangeably with other current terms in the field, including “fat” and “big,” according to teens across the country.
“The phrase ‘big back’ is something you say to your friends when they’re eating, like, ‘Oh, you’re so big in the back, you ate four cookies!’” says F., a 16-year-old girl from New Jersey. luck(Young people are referred to in this article by their initials to protect their privacy.) “This is only said when someone is eating. But you wouldn’t call your overweight friend ‘big back.’” She feels his rise in popularity may be due to the “backlash” to the body positivity movement, noting that “it used to be okay to look like Lizzo, but suddenly it’s not okay anymore.”
“I think people say it casually,” says S., 17, of Massachusetts. “I haven’t heard them say it to insult people. It’s more of a sarcastic joke.”
S., 17, from Rhode Island, agrees. “I definitely think it could be harmful to some people, but to me, I think it’s funny,” she says. “I definitely wouldn’t say it to a fat person, but I’ve heard other people do it.”
“We say, ‘Hey, fat guy,’ and it’s like, ‘You’re such an idiot,’” explains L., 16, from Connecticut. “It’s insulting but it’s funny, you know what I mean? I often say, ‘I’m being so embarrassed right now,’ as if someone offered me part of their lunch and I ate it all… It sounds like a joke. But,” she adds, “I think in some ways it reinforces the mental bias.”
Here’s Why Fatphobia Terms Concern Experts
“There are many layers to this, because there has been a movement to reclaim words like ‘big’ or ‘fat’, to use as a neutral description for people who feel strongly about fat positivity,” notes the educator and parent coach. Una Hansen“The term ‘health food’ is a term that some people use in their spare time, and it’s a term that specializes in helping families combat diet culture. Instead, the terms have come back into use as insults that make fun of someone’s size or appetite. “This tends to reinforce this idea that if you have a bigger body, you’re always consuming huge amounts of food. It also reinforces the concept of gluttony.”
She adds that it’s no coincidence that “white women are thinner”, because of “the background of weight-loss drugs and people not having appetite, and associating appetite with body size. I think that really reinforces harmful ideas about body size and food, and makes it socially acceptable to comment on people’s bodies.”
Greenberg worries that this could encourage clandestine eating among teenage girls. “It increases feelings of shame and social and emotional embarrassment,” she says.
What this trend highlights, Bisping believes, is that “fatphobia and anti-fat bias are still largely acceptable.”
While this is “a problem for everyone,” she says, “what I’ve seen really hurt teens is when there’s a peer group that’s a minority of kids who have larger bodies… because the language that’s being used in this playful way is going to affect a kid who’s already obese very differently.”
She adds that the use of language “almost creates a state of invisibility for the actual fat kid in the group — and therefore also the possibility of hypervisibility.”
Finally, it is harmful because children who do not have larger bodies indirectly express that they will never behave well. Wants “Being — basically, with ‘big back,’ you’re saying, ‘We strive not to be that way,’” Bisping explains, “whereas ‘I’m so fat’ is more like, ‘This is so disgusting. Look at me!’”
“I think everyone is harmed by this discourse because it maintains a cultural norm that makes it very difficult for everyone to be emotionally safe,” she says. “So I’m more concerned about the collective harm, whether they know it or not — and they don’t know it — that contributes to an oppressive culture.”
How to deal with the potential harm this trend could cause to your children
“I don’t think this is just one conversation for a family or a parent,” says Bisping, who notes that in an ideal scenario, you would have already had many “values-oriented conversations about body oppression in our culture.”
If not, she says, this could be a conversation starter and an opportunity not only to address these specific terms, but also to highlight that this is just one example of a societal problem.
She suggests keeping in mind that “when you have a teenager, you can’t control what they say.” But it’s worth their eye roll and maybe they’ll hear you on some level if you say, “I’m just telling you: It’s oppressive. Even though your friends are laughing, I bet they’re hurting inside.” Make it clear that you’re not going to lecture, but point out that the issue touches on feminism, anti-racism, and social justice in general.
“Find the points of connection between this stupid trend and how absolutely oppressive it is, and help them connect the dots,” she says.
Hansen suggests approaching your tween or teen with curiosity, perhaps saying, “Tell me more about this trend. How are your friends using it? Do you think they feel the same way?”
If a child might be really upset about it, help them talk about it and figure out how to respond the next time someone throws around the terms. “I think teens come up with ideas better than us, in general,” she says. It also helps not to overreact or shut them down if they come to you with the problem, because they may not come to you the next time.
The bottom line, Hansen says, is that “for parents, it’s an opportunity to think about how to build their child’s skills in dealing with awkward social conversations and social media. It will continue to evolve, but it’s really about, can you connect with your teen? Can you have a conversation that sparks critical thinking?”