Thinking of no gifts this Christmas? Here’s how to talk about it

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TORONTO – Giving away gifts can help ease some of the financial burden that comes during the holiday season, but having that conversation with family and friends can bring on feelings of shame and guilt.

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“If we address the financial shame that arises before the conversation, it will keep the conversation more grounded and less energized,” said Chantelle Chapman, CEO of Trauma of Money.

The rising cost of living has left many families scrambling to make ends meet and put food on the table, not to mention leaving room in the budget for discretionary spending. But choosing not to give gifts can be a difficult and sometimes lonely decision if friends and family aren’t on the same page.

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Researching what’s going on in the broader economy can alleviate and confirm some of the financial guilt you feel about the non-gifting decision, Chapman said.

“You’re not the only one going through this,” Chapman said. “Shame will confuse us and make us think we are the only ones.”

Highlighting your big goals — supporting your children, saving for your children’s education, or achieving financial independence — can also help you overcome guilt, said Steve Bridge, a certified financial planner with Money Coaches Canada.

“I rarely hear that giving expensive gifts is on that list,” Bridge said.

Canadians are spending more than they earn, and many rely on their credit cards to shop, with average credit card debt exceeding $4,300 in the second quarter of this year — the highest level since 2007, according to Equifax.

A Coast Capital poll in October showed at least 72 per cent of Canadians said holiday expenses add to financial stress.

Once you’ve released any negative inner feelings, it’s time to express your thoughts and have those difficult conversations.

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Chapman suggests starting the conversation with an opening along the lines of: “Listen, as you probably know, it’s challenging for people right now and based on my investigation of my budget…I feel like we’d better change the way we do things.” Participate in giving gifts this year.”

Addressing feelings of shame also helps make the conversation less combative, Chapman said. It can even open the door for others to express similar concerns.

Susie Fossati, owner and director of Avignon Etiquette, suggests starting the conversation as early as possible and letting friends and family know your intentions.

“Once you know you might need to take a different route than traditional gift-giving, start communicating that,” Fossati said.

Fossati suggests making a phone call or meeting in person to chat about holiday celebrations and broach the idea of ​​a Christmas without gifts.

She said the conversation can be easy when approached honestly.

“Bending around the bush is where things can get very complicated,” making room for misunderstandings, she said.

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If a friend or family member keeps bringing a gift after starting the no-gift conversation, Fossati suggests simply appreciating the gesture.

“But there’s no obligation to re-gift just because you received something,” she said.

Expressing genuine gratitude is key in such a situation, Chapman said.

“Reciprocity does not have to be another gift of equal or greater cost,” she said.

Chapman proposed the concept of replacing the tradition of gift-giving rather than restricting it.

“What if I came up with an alternative idea?” she said. “You could say: Instead of gifts, I want to focus my energy on spending time with you.”

Fossati agreed. She said people often get caught up in giving lavish or expensive gifts. But it’s about evoking basic emotions – respect, kindness and consideration.

Activities that don’t cost a lot of money but still bring joy and togetherness, such as eating out, volunteering at a charity together or exchanging books, can all be done in place of gifts or material items, she says.

“Kindness is so much more than just a wrapped gift,” Fossati said.

This report by The Canadian Press was first published Dec. 7, 2024.

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