Marius van der Ham: AirFrance-KLM Kenya boss privilege and small ego issue

Here’s a quick cheat sheet for the man: Big table. Marius loves big tables. To laugh, to socialize, to eat. I’ve been told he’s a man of few words, cutting his sentences short and giving quick retorts. He’s Dutch, after all, and not known to beat around the bush.

But it’s the bushes that call Marius. I can tell because his face lights up when he talks about his walks, the animals he sees, the terrain. Oh, the terrain. “A hill every other kilometre!” he says, wiping his face away, and I’m not sure whether he’s pleased or displeased. What do the Dutch say? “Het is zool het is.” That’s the way it is.

Yes, in the Netherlands. We had domestic flights, and I must have been about five years old. I was on a trip with my grandparents, about 100 kilometers. The second time was when I was about 13, and it was my first big trip with my family to the United States.

It was a coincidence, even an opportunity. I was studying at university in the Netherlands, doing my master’s thesis and needed an internship. My roommate worked at KLM, the Dutch airline, and recommended me for an internship there, and here we are.

I have dealt with different cultures in my career and I have never been too concerned about it. Kenyans and Dutch are not that different, and maybe not everyone says things directly here sometimes, but in general people express their opinions.

Yes, I have been lucky during my 12 years at KLM. I spent a decade outside of France, where I got to know different people and cultures. I have been lucky.

Atlanta, USA. As a child of the 90s growing up in Western Europe, American pop culture seemed like the coolest place to live. I was super excited but a little disappointed when I actually experienced it, haha! But Kenya was also great, living in the vibrant and scenic Nairobi just hours away from the city.

It was a bit disappointing, from my point of view (laughs).

Tough questions now, aren’t they? I’m an open-minded, easy-going guy who doesn’t get stressed easily and looks for practical solutions in my daily life – both at work and in my personal life. I try not to worry too much; I like to know where we’re going, but the road there is open.

It depends on where you work in the airline. I worked the longest on the business side of the airline – pricing – and enjoyed learning how money is made and how tickets are priced. The other side is all about safety and the procedures needed to ensure safe, reliable operations and a good focus on the customer.

My family and I love getting out into nature. We have two young children and two dogs, and on the weekends we settle down and drive to Nairobi National Park or out of town.

Well, in the end, I’ll choose Bush.

We both do! I’ve had a dog since forever, even before I was born, we had a dog in the family. The first chance we got when we lived with my wife, we got a dog.

Dogs live in the moment. They only see what is happening in your life at that moment, and they are very reactive to behavior in general. Dogs have taught me that you get what you give out immediately. I think that applies to business as well.

Sometimes it’s easier to run a business because my position carries a little more weight than it does in the family.

I like to give my kids space, set boundaries, and let them do what they want and find their way, but let them know that they can come to me when they have questions.

My wife and I grew up with some boundaries, and maybe that’s why. (laughs)

My childhood was happy. I had a lot of freedom within limits, but it was a time free from neglect. Sometimes you long for that freedom.

I try not to worry too much about things I can’t control.

It’s mostly about the anxiety of something inevitable happening. I once told my parents I wasn’t happy with a list of things (laughs). My wife and I talked about this: Do you remember the moment you started telling your parents what didn’t please you? I know my kids will tell me at some point, too, and it will always be things you didn’t expect. Even now, I can still defend my choices.

(Long pause) The role I play now: Are we the men doing the right things for the teams we work with and is that in line with what we want to achieve in the business? How can we improve? Am I the person my family wants to sit at the table with?

Basically, I like rationality and logic, but I have a family at heart, so this is complicated.

I have a very emotional wife, she has a big heart, which is good. My son is three and my daughter is six, and she tends to rely more on her heart than her head at this stage. This forces me to rely more on my heart; sometimes people give me comments that I need more heart.

It’s my default setting, so it makes it easy but it doesn’t always make me likeable (laughs).

You can adapt to the situation, but what is the limit? Maybe five percent? Ten percent? The other ninety percent is you, and if you force yourself to do it, it won’t work. I think so.

I generally care about the best interests of everyone I work with. As you move up the corporate ladder, decisions become less popular and less easy. You get judged for it, and sometimes I feel like it’s unfair. I can generally deal with it, but sometimes I think, why am I the bad guy here? I wish people would know that this is in the best interests of the person.

To some extent. I have a good management team, so we rely on each other for support. When you’re the one who has to make the final decision, it can feel a bit lonely.

I never exercised. Throughout my 30s, I did general fitness, going to the gym, running, which is what I like to do to relax.

I was training for the Luau Marathon which unfortunately got cancelled. I do it once a week but now I’m doing more. I’ve done a half marathon, a marathon or two etc.

It depends on the circumstances. Things come suddenly. When I’m training, I count my steps, I look at my speed and try to calculate the distance and time. This has become routine for me now. Sometimes, I have great ideas while running, just like people who have ideas in the shower.

The hard part is getting out the door, haha! It’s not boring, especially here, because running in the Netherlands is very easy, there are no hills, but here, after every kilometer or so, there is a hill waiting for you (laughs).

Lots of monkeys and a rooster. That’s why I was so excited for the Luau Marathon. We’ll try again next year; hopefully our tickets will still be valid, haha!

I love being with my friends, having drinks at a big table, and just talking. I’ve been with the same group of friends since high school, for over 30 years. We go away every weekend, and the only thing we look for other than housing is a big table (laughs). We love that table where we can just talk.

I’m a bit of a joke person. I like to keep things light and the group atmosphere relaxed. But I also like to have deep, serious conversations and share advice with each other.

When we were kids, it was about getting our first job, and when we grew up it was about radical changes – losing our parents, etc. We live in different parts of the world, but at this table, we understand each other.

Your title and position. If you don’t act in a way that makes it easy for you to deal with the people who make up your life, it won’t matter who you are or who you claim to be.

The easy answer is that I probably won’t become a professional footballer. At least not anymore (laughs). I’m an ambitious person, but I’ve learned that striving for something and developing towards it is an achievement in itself. You don’t need to achieve everything you set your mind to.

Well, I’m a bit of a softie, so you’ll find me watching some romantic comedies, and my wife will say, Are those tears in your eyes? Of course I’ll shake my head, haha! But in music, I’m a rocker, and Guns N’ Roses is my favorite band.

You’re putting me in an awkward position here. Well, without giving everything away, my wife and I were struggling to have children, and it took a long time, and of course it was hard, especially for my wife. What I used to do was write little notes and hide them around the house, in her purse, and at her work place. They were little, personal notes to encourage her, and eventually it worked.

Haven’t I told you enough? (Laughs.) I don’t know, Eddie.

Tough question! I’m at my wit’s end here. (Long pause)

Everyone should know that they should try to keep their ego as low as possible. The most successful leaders understand this: if you can keep your ego down, it means that your ears are open and you understand the dynamics around you. You should know that, Eddie.