Understanding teen suicide and how parents can help

“The pain is indescribable,” Rachel Kia begins, her voice sad. “You can never imagine outliving your child, and when it happens because of suicide, there’s an extra layer of guilt and confusion. You keep asking yourself: What did we miss? What could we have done differently?”

Even two years after the tragic loss of her 17-year-old son, Kevin, by suicide, the feeling of inexplicable pain still hangs over Rachel’s home like a heavy shadow that refuses to rise.

The weight of the tragedy, as well as the unanswered questions and missing signs, still haunts her family.

“Kevin was always quiet, you know?” Rachel thought, her words laced with sadness. “But too late, I realized his silence wasn’t just typical teenage moodiness.

“It was a cry for help, a cry we failed to hear.” Her memories paint a heartbreaking picture of the unnoticed signs that now stand out starkly in her mind.

Rachel, a mother of three, recalls how busy she was with work in the months leading up to Kevin’s death. During the school holidays, Kevin would spend countless hours immersed in video games, immersed in the virtual world of his PlayStation. “I tried to talk to him, but all I got were grunts or one-word answers,” she says. “I ignored him, thinking he was just a normal teenager. How wrong I was.”

Kevin’s mood swings gradually became more volatile. He would lash out at his younger sister over the smallest things, then withdraw into his room, sometimes for hours.

Even Rachel’s husband tried to reach out, but Kevin remained isolated, locked in a world of his own pain.

“There were days when he seemed fine,” Rachel recalls, her voice heavy with regret.

“He would joke with us during dinner, or play video games with his cousins. These moments would give us false reassurance, making us believe that whatever was bothering him was only temporary.”

Rachel admits with great pain that her son had such difficulty adjusting to her separation from his father, which had occurred three years before the tragedy.

The cracks in their marriage, though they tried to hide them, were quite apparent to Kevin, manifesting themselves in frequent disagreements and the distance caused by their professional commitments.

“Be careful, your child’s life could depend on it,” Rachel says.

Teenage suicide is a worrying and growing concern in Kenya, according to Dr Catherine Sengo Mutisya, a consultant psychiatrist with two decades of experience and a passionate advocate for mental health.

Quoting the World Health Organization, Dr Mutisya noted that suicide is now the fourth leading cause of death among young people aged 15 to 29, a shocking statistic that continues to rise.

“Many parents don’t recognize the warning signs,” says Dr. Mutisya. “Things like sudden changes in behavior, mood swings, or withdrawal from activities that once brought them joy are often overlooked, but all of these could be signs of a deeper problem.”

She stresses that today’s Generation Z and Generation Alpha teens are exposed to a massive amount of information, much of it global, and are not only influenced by their immediate environments such as their families or schools.

“They absorb content from all over the world, and this exposure radically reshapes their outlook on life,” Dr. Mutisya adds.

This constant flow of information, while opening up new horizons, can also create a distorted view of reality for young people.

“Social media often portrays an idealized version of life, where everything seems perfect,” explains Dr. Mutisya. “People rarely post about their struggles, and this creates a false comparison. Teens may feel like their lives are incomplete, worse than others, or simply not good enough.”

The resulting stress contributes to increased rates of depression and social behavior problems, often taking parents by surprise who may not have a sufficient understanding of the enormous burden their children are bearing.

One of the biggest barriers to addressing adolescent mental health, especially in African contexts, is the persistence of harmful misconceptions.

“Depression is often seen as laziness, and mental illness is still compared to madness in many societies,” says Dr. Mutisya, adding that this lack of understanding is hurting the early recognition and treatment of mental health issues.

Dr. Mutisya emphasizes that successful intervention must involve the family, especially the parents. “In treatment, especially with adolescents, it is crucial to involve the parents in the treatment plan. We cannot ignore the powerful influence that peers and the home environment have on young people,” she says.

Her team has developed a framework for working with adolescents, known as the “4Cs” – care, connection, communication, and compassion.

These pillars guide treatment and support systems in their efforts to prevent suicide. She advises: “If a parent suspects that their child may be considering suicide, immediate intervention is key. Don’t wait for something dramatic to happen.”

Joy Lango, a trained counseling psychologist, echoes this sentiment, noting that teens are often adept at hiding their true feelings.

“On the surface, they may look fine, but underneath that mask, many of them are suffering from serious emotional disturbances,” explains Ms. Lango.

“When a once vibrant teen suddenly begins to withdraw from social activities, changes his eating habits, or complains of persistent, unexplained physical pain, it’s a sign that something serious may be going on.”

Ms. Lango stresses the importance of parents learning to distinguish between typical teen mood swings and more serious, life-threatening fears.

“It’s normal for teens to have bad days or even weeks, but when you notice that they’re having trouble functioning in multiple areas of their lives — at school, with friends, within the family — that’s a good time to worry.”

According to Ms. Lango, there is rarely a single factor that leads a teen to suicide.

Rather, it is usually a complex web of causes, including past trauma, mental health issues, school stress, or personal struggles such as an identity crisis.

“Understanding these risk factors is crucial,” she says, “because it allows us to identify when a teen may be most at risk, and when early intervention is most needed.”

The stigma surrounding mental health is another ongoing barrier to addressing the issue of teen suicide.

Lango strongly advocates for dismantling myths and misconceptions that prevent open discussions.

“There is a misconception that talking about suicide can encourage teens to think about suicide, but research shows the opposite is true,” she says. “Having honest conversations about mental health and suicidal thoughts actually helps reduce risk and encourage teens to seek help.”

As teen suicide statistics continue to rise, Ms. Lango remains optimistic. “Suicide is preventable,” she says firmly. “With the right support systems in place, parents and caregivers can make a huge difference.”

For many parents, the challenge is finding the delicate balance between respecting their teen’s need for privacy and ensuring their safety.

Ms. Lango advises creating an environment built on trust and open communication, where teens feel safe to express their concerns without fear of judgment.